are we ready

September 30 has the ranch knuckleheads in northern italy - the prosecco region - for their last race of the season. Have to love a race that puts a wine vending link on their homepage - right beside the course layout above. Funny that nobody has questioned why we are riding this one versus the 235k black forest Surm race which we have done the past 3 years. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that in those 3 years none of us has ever seen the sun - or really anything beyond the shoulder of the road. We will miss the alpirsbach beer one gets as soon as they cross the line and the great hosting of simone gieger.
I GUESS NOTHING DOES HAPPEN IN AUGUST IN EUROPE....
Since our last post not much has changed - riderNOshow has spared us the suspense and withdrawn from the race. Riderchichi has just completed a 10 day London to Barcelona charity ride - which of course he dominated the rest of the deutche bank sendentary weekend warriors by calmly smirking when asked if he was going to walk up or take the van on the first climb the group faced in the pyranees. RiderCali and NOshow had a 3 day romp in the hills of Girona. Riderturbo got his pilots license. RiderCrespo has been keeping us all amused and spirits up on our ranch bloomberg chatbox. RiderPitts has been playing the lonely guy lapping back to back spin classes just to annoy the 250lb happy clappy reebok spin instructors. The quality of spin classes at that club are becoming increasingly annoying - to the point where i understand where that kid in NY is coming from when he threw that loud hedge fund guy through the wall when he just couldnt stand one more "u r the man" screams from the front. RiderHowe racked himself on the verbier descent - where the world witnessed the first tube popping out of the rim crash. RiderZinni has been preparing his MD promotion forms. And all of us have put off ordering our ernesto colnago special signature RANCH bikes - given our bonus's are hovering around the bagel with 300bln of LBO paper standing in the way of conspicuously consumed carbon. RiderEazy-E remains RiderMute - with flashes of coherence as of late - but alas they are just flashes.

Does anybody realize that my mother - shirley - will be watching our race. Hmmmm....

Austrian Twister: Going UP, Please!

Zell am See, Austria.

Home of the Grossglockner.

Rated among the toughest climbs in Europe, and for good reason. 26km long with over 1400m of vertical climb.

Riderwurzel, atop a stylish, stiff new Cervelo Soloist Team, recently returned from a week long training camp that included riding a personal best up the steep, twisty mountain.

Along with his friend from the Trek/Gary Fisher distributor in the Czech Republic, Riderwurzel and Riderania enjoyed the scenic mountains while doing some mid-summer training in this most-beautiful of Continental European locations.

The 7-Eleven and Polka Dot jerseys were proudly on display,

endearing hearts of North American and Tour de France cycling fans alike, all of whom appreciated the colorful

photos of lush green mountains and snowy jagged peaks.

Next year, more Ranch riders may wish to join the fun on the big European climbs. But before doing so, one would be wise to heed Riderwurzel's words of wisdom: "bring your triple or compact!"

who is pulling who

that's right sportfans - riderpitts is illustrated above pulling warwick rhode island's own ridercali (the stelvio - drielandergiro.) That's ridercali - hedge fund trader by week - gerona cycling star by weekend. Ranch committed last tuesday to another italian giro at the end of september - grand fondo del prosecco (vadobbiadene). Ridermamma will be the first ranch woman to participate - and given her 2005 top 5 finish in the london triathalon - stands to stomp on the competition - even if she is tending to juniorriderzoe by day - and working the wards of london's hospitals as a cancer specialist at night. Questions remain though: will ridereazy-e regain his power of speech; will riderzinni flail in front of his hometown fans with all the pressure to live up to his austria finish; will riderchichi bring his new ladyfriend acknowledging her status as "ladyfriend"; will ridercrespo find news ways of adding million dollar parts to his million dollar bike; will riderhowe be sporting his gucci st tropez wide body sunglasses in the peleton; will ridercali be wearing the colors of the ranch - or the eggcc (el gordo gerona cycling club), will riderturbo accept his guest speaker invitation to lecture on the merit of ceramic bearings the night before; will juniorrideremilian make his move on juniorriderlizzie or juniorridervalentina - or will he recognize the early days discount of 2 week old juniorriderzoe, and put first dibs there. And finally will riderNOshow, do exactly what we expect of him and ...

burrito wed

Ranchers gathered at ridercrespo's - london's newest millionaire - urban playhouse - to snack on burritos and watch our favorite tour of our favorite sport - slide into further disrepute. We listened to riderchichi take us through his experience at the etape as we watched vino cover the same climbs with his blood thick as chocolate mousse. We saw chichi's expose his battle wounds from his epic crash on the first descent - chichi by the way finished the race comfortably in the top third with his face looking like he just stepped out of a phone booth with a woolverine - and his ranch bib shorts looking like something u mind find at leather night on the castro. A couple bullet points on the etape and why we think this is an "ok to miss" race. First, out of 9k riders 4k were frog marched to the sweeper van - weeeeeeeak. Clowns everywhere riding bikes which are way to nice for their ability - descending is problematic with wacksters from flatland never having seen a 70 handle on their polar cs200. And lastly - it aint cheap with vouchers that one must purchase from one of a handful of french tour operators costing all in north of 1k euros. The highlight of the night proved not be our flagrant violation of the "no ice cream until paris" rule - nor was it riderpitts's technically sound burritos - but easily the highlight of the night was riderbaby "zoe" all 2 weeks of her cuddling with the team ranch doll as passed down from valentina - to lizzie - to anouk - to zoe. A couple special mentions go out to ridercali for being the 18th american out of 300 to cross the line - and rider eazy-e for pulling the wounded chichi on the final climb - at pace. That guy is a team guy. Oh - and rider noshow for living up to his name.

Inspirational Poem for L'Etape

When you're climbing the steepest mountain...

...when conditions are tough & you're exhausted and drained...

...when you've passed the 200th kilometer...

...when you're mentally broken and think you can go no longer...

...remember THIS face...

Ridermama pouring it on...100% after 9 hours of maternal labor...

...to bring to us a shiny new member of the Ranchfamily...known to insiders as Riderbaby...

then stop whining...and KEEP GOING!

babies and the ranch

Big week for the ranch - riderjosh starts us off with a new baby girl - sophia. Ridermamma not to be outdone - provides her own solo break and produces ranchbaby on sat a.m. 7:31 - described by riderturbo as "healthy as a bean - smooth as butter". Ridereazy-e, riderchichi, and ridercali are all in france preparing for the etape on monday. Riderzinni is in london re-living his big race in austria around the breakfast table. Ridercrespo is enjoying all the comforts that attach to being londons newest millionaire. Riderhowe is working the hills around zurich and watching the first steps of lizzie. Riderpitts is doing his best impression of ridernoshow and not showing in france. And ridercriti is just getting his breath back after watching his credit book trade up and down 20mln buck this week. For all that follow our knuckleheaded blog - make your own bets on the etape chosing from these 3 hombres pictured.

Ranch Team Dog does TdF Prologue

Wild and crazy, yes it was!

This past weekend saw the 2007 Tour de France kick off with the 7.9km prologue in London. The route wound its way through town passing by Big Ben & Houses of Parliament, Hyde Park and Buckingham Palace in a spectacle for all 1 million to see.

Ranch members were in attendance cheering on the riders, who careened through the streets at mach speed on aerodynamic TT rigs of the speediest sort.

Even the Ranch Team Dog Jake was in attendance, barking up a storm and getting everyone psyched for the upcoming Etape de Tour.

We DO miss Lance and the ol' school posse, but there are oh-so-many other wonderful riders forging the new era in cycling, including US Postal's former captain, Big Man George Hincapie (shown here in this weekends Prologue) and other tour Guns include Vinokourov, Sastre, Valverde, Cancellera.

These men poured on the watts for a fab blast through the London streets with spectators lined shoulder to shoulder for the entire 9 minute course.

The upcoming Etape is a monster event that will see the Ranch venture to France to ride elbow to elbow with eight thousand cycling enthusiasts in a genuine stage of the Tour, exactly one day prior to the actual TdF stage race, this upcoming July 16th.

There is big, there is bigger...and THEN, there is the Etape: otherwise known as... BIGGEST!