now thats a pretty xmas girl

anouk - until the crespo or the turbo trumps this and i dare - is the reining cutest christmas baby of the ranch.

ranch xmas party

oh it was a festive evening! Ranchers found themselves together celebrating the best of the season at aphrodite - a local nottinghill greek restaurant. Save for the Zinni and riderhowe - turnout was perfect for the annual exchange of gifts and cheer. More ladyfriend talk than gear speak - we learned of ridermama's plans to continue her meteoric rise in the medical field in LA, riderchichi's plans to relocate to a 2 bedroom with the lovely sarah, the Noshow talking about a late december trip to St barts with the new german( sans bike),ridercali was lamenting that he has 17 dates (which cant be termed dates) with aloha - and has sweet fanny all to show for the effort. Crespo nattered on on how the baby now 10 days past the due date - runs the danger of screwing up his xmas return to argie - and RiderPitts was his old true - strong - dependable self.

riderzinni revisited

declaring himself ridersolobreak - which we at the ranch found hard to endorse given we aint seen no break. riderzinni unhappy with just being known as riderzinni wanted something with a bit more zip. So as a response we came up with riderpallesecche which when translated means what one finds dangling between the trunks on the poor old codger in the photo. There you have it. Take a report.

eazy-e - finds late season form

Owing some say in part to a resurgent P&L as emerging market credit has bounced back from its summer sell-off - ridereasy-e has once regained his position as a force in the field. The old mohammed ali head bobs were seen once again in italy and have signalled a return to his early season form where easy-e was dominating. Still banging out hours in the saddle in turville - ridereazy-e was heard begging the ranch to bring some back up to lago di como for the gran fondo di lombardo - however looking around the ranch - a few too many pumpkin muffins may be pushing the scales the wrong way for anymore appearances this year. Lets hope that the tittas and alfajores shipments dont get the best of him. Pictured above we see a rarely seen happy zinni and recently summitted kilamanjaro - ridercali.

who has seen this man

Riderturbo - flying very low since the successful passing of his pilots licence - has not been seen outside the comfortable confines of his princess square flat since the leaves began turning 6 weeks ago. The short race in prosecco was tailor made for the ranch's lead sprinter - who pulled his own impersonation of NoShow -which we could all endorse given the new demands of riderbabyzoe - but were astonished to learn that mamma and baby were seen loitering in boulders own colorado multi sport that same weekend - that could only mean riderturbo pulled a version of 6th grade "gee mom - i dont feel very well today" - skipped the race - and smugly spent two days alone free from baby - mamma - and prosecco. Maybe he doesnt want to tarnish his last result - top 10 windsor triathalon which this blog highlighted in July. We can only hope that the 2 days alone wern't spent designing a fast tack reading program for 4 month old zoe - as the last time we saw old riderturbo was when he was nailing as sign above zoe's crib entitled "cornell or bust".

NO KIDDING - NO SHOW SHOWS

Owing to a bunch of nay sayers asking for additional proof of appearance. We dug deep to find this shot of the NOSHOW the eve before the grand fondo del prosecco. Displaying the grab bag goody of prosecco's finest salami - together with a bone fide race number - riderNOsHoW is all grins. Fielding abuse from such unexpected sources as Riderpitts's mother shirley - who when introduced to the NOShow - said - "now what are the fellows going to call you - im disappointed". We leave this post by reflecting on the old adage that one race does not make a season - which is just as true for a nickname.

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are we ready

September 30 has the ranch knuckleheads in northern italy - the prosecco region - for their last race of the season. Have to love a race that puts a wine vending link on their homepage - right beside the course layout above. Funny that nobody has questioned why we are riding this one versus the 235k black forest Surm race which we have done the past 3 years. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that in those 3 years none of us has ever seen the sun - or really anything beyond the shoulder of the road. We will miss the alpirsbach beer one gets as soon as they cross the line and the great hosting of simone gieger.
I GUESS NOTHING DOES HAPPEN IN AUGUST IN EUROPE....
Since our last post not much has changed - riderNOshow has spared us the suspense and withdrawn from the race. Riderchichi has just completed a 10 day London to Barcelona charity ride - which of course he dominated the rest of the deutche bank sendentary weekend warriors by calmly smirking when asked if he was going to walk up or take the van on the first climb the group faced in the pyranees. RiderCali and NOshow had a 3 day romp in the hills of Girona. Riderturbo got his pilots license. RiderCrespo has been keeping us all amused and spirits up on our ranch bloomberg chatbox. RiderPitts has been playing the lonely guy lapping back to back spin classes just to annoy the 250lb happy clappy reebok spin instructors. The quality of spin classes at that club are becoming increasingly annoying - to the point where i understand where that kid in NY is coming from when he threw that loud hedge fund guy through the wall when he just couldnt stand one more "u r the man" screams from the front. RiderHowe racked himself on the verbier descent - where the world witnessed the first tube popping out of the rim crash. RiderZinni has been preparing his MD promotion forms. And all of us have put off ordering our ernesto colnago special signature RANCH bikes - given our bonus's are hovering around the bagel with 300bln of LBO paper standing in the way of conspicuously consumed carbon. RiderEazy-E remains RiderMute - with flashes of coherence as of late - but alas they are just flashes.

Does anybody realize that my mother - shirley - will be watching our race. Hmmmm....

Austrian Twister: Going UP, Please!

Zell am See, Austria.

Home of the Grossglockner.

Rated among the toughest climbs in Europe, and for good reason. 26km long with over 1400m of vertical climb.

Riderwurzel, atop a stylish, stiff new Cervelo Soloist Team, recently returned from a week long training camp that included riding a personal best up the steep, twisty mountain.

Along with his friend from the Trek/Gary Fisher distributor in the Czech Republic, Riderwurzel and Riderania enjoyed the scenic mountains while doing some mid-summer training in this most-beautiful of Continental European locations.

The 7-Eleven and Polka Dot jerseys were proudly on display,

endearing hearts of North American and Tour de France cycling fans alike, all of whom appreciated the colorful

photos of lush green mountains and snowy jagged peaks.

Next year, more Ranch riders may wish to join the fun on the big European climbs. But before doing so, one would be wise to heed Riderwurzel's words of wisdom: "bring your triple or compact!"

who is pulling who

that's right sportfans - riderpitts is illustrated above pulling warwick rhode island's own ridercali (the stelvio - drielandergiro.) That's ridercali - hedge fund trader by week - gerona cycling star by weekend. Ranch committed last tuesday to another italian giro at the end of september - grand fondo del prosecco (vadobbiadene). Ridermamma will be the first ranch woman to participate - and given her 2005 top 5 finish in the london triathalon - stands to stomp on the competition - even if she is tending to juniorriderzoe by day - and working the wards of london's hospitals as a cancer specialist at night. Questions remain though: will ridereazy-e regain his power of speech; will riderzinni flail in front of his hometown fans with all the pressure to live up to his austria finish; will riderchichi bring his new ladyfriend acknowledging her status as "ladyfriend"; will ridercrespo find news ways of adding million dollar parts to his million dollar bike; will riderhowe be sporting his gucci st tropez wide body sunglasses in the peleton; will ridercali be wearing the colors of the ranch - or the eggcc (el gordo gerona cycling club), will riderturbo accept his guest speaker invitation to lecture on the merit of ceramic bearings the night before; will juniorrideremilian make his move on juniorriderlizzie or juniorridervalentina - or will he recognize the early days discount of 2 week old juniorriderzoe, and put first dibs there. And finally will riderNOshow, do exactly what we expect of him and ...

burrito wed

Ranchers gathered at ridercrespo's - london's newest millionaire - urban playhouse - to snack on burritos and watch our favorite tour of our favorite sport - slide into further disrepute. We listened to riderchichi take us through his experience at the etape as we watched vino cover the same climbs with his blood thick as chocolate mousse. We saw chichi's expose his battle wounds from his epic crash on the first descent - chichi by the way finished the race comfortably in the top third with his face looking like he just stepped out of a phone booth with a woolverine - and his ranch bib shorts looking like something u mind find at leather night on the castro. A couple bullet points on the etape and why we think this is an "ok to miss" race. First, out of 9k riders 4k were frog marched to the sweeper van - weeeeeeeak. Clowns everywhere riding bikes which are way to nice for their ability - descending is problematic with wacksters from flatland never having seen a 70 handle on their polar cs200. And lastly - it aint cheap with vouchers that one must purchase from one of a handful of french tour operators costing all in north of 1k euros. The highlight of the night proved not be our flagrant violation of the "no ice cream until paris" rule - nor was it riderpitts's technically sound burritos - but easily the highlight of the night was riderbaby "zoe" all 2 weeks of her cuddling with the team ranch doll as passed down from valentina - to lizzie - to anouk - to zoe. A couple special mentions go out to ridercali for being the 18th american out of 300 to cross the line - and rider eazy-e for pulling the wounded chichi on the final climb - at pace. That guy is a team guy. Oh - and rider noshow for living up to his name.

Inspirational Poem for L'Etape

When you're climbing the steepest mountain...

...when conditions are tough & you're exhausted and drained...

...when you've passed the 200th kilometer...

...when you're mentally broken and think you can go no longer...

...remember THIS face...

Ridermama pouring it on...100% after 9 hours of maternal labor...

...to bring to us a shiny new member of the Ranchfamily...known to insiders as Riderbaby...

then stop whining...and KEEP GOING!

babies and the ranch

Big week for the ranch - riderjosh starts us off with a new baby girl - sophia. Ridermamma not to be outdone - provides her own solo break and produces ranchbaby on sat a.m. 7:31 - described by riderturbo as "healthy as a bean - smooth as butter". Ridereazy-e, riderchichi, and ridercali are all in france preparing for the etape on monday. Riderzinni is in london re-living his big race in austria around the breakfast table. Ridercrespo is enjoying all the comforts that attach to being londons newest millionaire. Riderhowe is working the hills around zurich and watching the first steps of lizzie. Riderpitts is doing his best impression of ridernoshow and not showing in france. And ridercriti is just getting his breath back after watching his credit book trade up and down 20mln buck this week. For all that follow our knuckleheaded blog - make your own bets on the etape chosing from these 3 hombres pictured.

Ranch Team Dog does TdF Prologue

Wild and crazy, yes it was!

This past weekend saw the 2007 Tour de France kick off with the 7.9km prologue in London. The route wound its way through town passing by Big Ben & Houses of Parliament, Hyde Park and Buckingham Palace in a spectacle for all 1 million to see.

Ranch members were in attendance cheering on the riders, who careened through the streets at mach speed on aerodynamic TT rigs of the speediest sort.

Even the Ranch Team Dog Jake was in attendance, barking up a storm and getting everyone psyched for the upcoming Etape de Tour.

We DO miss Lance and the ol' school posse, but there are oh-so-many other wonderful riders forging the new era in cycling, including US Postal's former captain, Big Man George Hincapie (shown here in this weekends Prologue) and other tour Guns include Vinokourov, Sastre, Valverde, Cancellera.

These men poured on the watts for a fab blast through the London streets with spectators lined shoulder to shoulder for the entire 9 minute course.

The upcoming Etape is a monster event that will see the Ranch venture to France to ride elbow to elbow with eight thousand cycling enthusiasts in a genuine stage of the Tour, exactly one day prior to the actual TdF stage race, this upcoming July 16th.

There is big, there is bigger...and THEN, there is the Etape: otherwise known as... BIGGEST!

AUSTRIA - race summary

Arriving into munich airport after considerable delay out of heathrow - 7 ranch riders loaded up a rental van with bike bags and squeezed into a car for the 2 hour drive to nauders which is about 40k south of innsbruck. 3.5 hours later we slumped into hotel traube in pfunds - which for 29euro a night for an incredibly comfortable room with steam bath/sauna/and breakfast - stood out as fantastic value. Saturday we had a great little spin up to nauders to grab our race numbers and do some last minute tinkering with our bikes. We dominated some poor mechanic with Ridercrespo's new dura ace compact crank (with a cheeky 27) - which dan our bike mechanic in london couldnt seem to get to work properly. Actually, while our blog is full of shout outs and applause - dan the mobile bike guy sucks - and wont be seeing anymore biz - so there. Later, we hung out at the music tent - listened to some tunes - leered at the one girl in lycra - and kept answering questions if we were from london with "RANCH LONDON" plastered over our vests/jerseys/polo shirts/and socks. That night we feasted at the hotel - took in a community recital in the village square with tubas/moustache guys/and lots of oooompapa. We shaved eazy-e's argentine hirsute legs, ripped a whole lotta carboloadedfarts - and tucked in for a 5:00 a.m. rise.

RiderCali, RiderPitts, RiderEazy-E, and RiderChichi were in the first wave riding the long strecke (168K) - departing with 1400 of our closest friends with AC/DC's "highway to hell" blasting from the speakers and the village mayor whooping. The first 40k was a fast flat/with some downs - and the ranch was squarely up top - averaging mid 40's kmph until the stelvio - which seemed to appear out of nowhere. As we started europe's 2nd highest climb - everything seemed in order - cadence was in the 70's moving back and forth from a 23 and a 25. However, the first 20 minutes isnt really the climb - its kinda like when the herd of antelopes are lulled into a false sense of confidence as they hang out by the water hole with some lounging lions - then whammo. The wammo was a 48 switch back monster of 28k in length with 15% pitches scattered throughout. The toughest part was looking up and seeiing nothing but road crossing back and forth above your head. That climb never ended - and views - if you were able to find the energy to move your neck - were tier 1 - looking back into Italian dolomites - wow. Nearing the top cadence had dropped to the mid 50's spinning on a 27 - and as we summitted - snow bordered the road. Pausing at the feed station - we refueled - zipped up - and descended the other side - wonderful steep sweeping curves with the whole valley ahead. Leaving the scree above treeline - the descent took you down through pine forests - into elms - and finally the river valley. However, there were stretches of road that were gravelled which produced a littel moisture in one's chamois at 60kmph. The flats lasted about 20k - and just as the group was finding its form - we began to climb the second monster which was no joke either. Here riders were getting dropped everywhere - and our team was no exception. To make matters worse, at some point on the climb the shorter race merged with ours - so all of a sudden i got this "how is that guy ahead of me" shudder/panic - before i realized the kid with a backpack and steel fender had only been riding for 30 minutes. From the second climb on the race is series of rollers leading back into austria. On one of those rollers yours truly after taking a bunch of guff for sucking a little too much wheel - was forced to pull - and unfortuneately - yours truly descended at pace into a gentle bend - which included a transition from smooth tarmac - to rippled tar - resulting ultimately in yours truly going over the handlebars - wacking his rudy project helmet on a rock outcropping - and kissing that never really healed right hip with more road rash. Before i knew it the race marshall on the bend - which had played witness to a few crashes - had my bike up - chain on - and screaming "geht los". All in all i lost about a minute - but thank god for timing - and a quick group was right behind which i settled into and actually caught my old group - to a chorus of "what the f___" when i rolled up beside them. The finnish was a 12 hairpin up which the day before we did at 18-20kmh - the ranch struggled at about 12-14kph - and roared into the nauders - most of us in the top third - and a couple more in the middle. One rider that requires special mention is RiderZinni - who had a solid top half result - in his first major roadrace - crossing the line with his personalized colnago crystal with energy to burn.

Terrific race - incredible part of the alps, and we feel as always, very fortunate to be healthy enough to have the experience we did. Ranch rode well. France in 3 weeks.

dreilander - ranch and the beast

A detailed account of this past weekends race is sure to follow - suffice it to say - the stelvio pass - being the 2nd highest mountain pass in europe - 48 switchbacks - is just that - a beast. 4 ranch cyclists suffered, gulped, yelped, grimiced - and most of all loved it.

“The greater the suffering, the greater the pleasure. That is nature’s payback to riders for the homage they pay her by suffering. Velvet pillows, safari parks, sunglasses; people have become woolly mice. They still have bodies that can walk for five days and four nights through a desert of snow, without food, but they accept praise for having taken a one-hour bicycle ride. ‘Good for you’. Instead of expressing their gratitude for the rain by getting wet, people walk around with umbrellas. Nature is an old lady with few friends these days, and those who wish to make use of her charms, she rewards passionately.”

Quote from Tim Krabbe's book - The Rider.

Guys, I am attahcing the profiles for the two options for Sunday...actually there is not much difference between the two, as both have a single very-long climb and then they are pretty flat for the rest of the courses (with some shorter climbs). Riderhowe, Ridercrespo - and Dug (hopefully he earns his rider prefix this weekend) should have no problem with the 130k. On the biggie - we should have some good success being quick to rotate pulls - 30sec-45sec from that second up on - really need to stay tight on the big climb...3,300m of climbing which is exactly the same as gimondi - from the profiles it optically doesnt feel like it. We should think about riding the second hill on sat. afternoon just to see - as all them local muppets have it dialed in.

Pressure is on riders, we are in austria - remembering the morbish race in may - they aint the most friendly bunch! And with none of the ranch ladies nor ranch toddlers coming - we wont have much of a cheering section. We got Ridercrespo's "i'm selling my bike" mind set, no Ridernoshow for the flats, and RiderChichi's dont bring that razor any closer to my macho argentine legs or else - hairpants. We got issues.

Windsor Results - Gauntlet Throwin'

Results are in for the Windsor Triathlon, 750m swim / 30km bike / 5.5km run!

Out of 175 male competitors in sprint distance:

Riderwurzel comes in 10th place overall, 7th ranked bike split, 4th place senior mens category.

Riderturbo notches up 13th overall with a 6th ranked bike split and 6th place senior mens category.

Full results:
http://www.humanrace.co.uk/results07/w07sprint.html

Special shotz out to our homie Bolder in Boulder -- Riderturbo's beautiful home town -- for representin' The Ranch with the team kit layout in a ghetto fabolous blog post!

sooooooooooooooon

Create yours at BlingyBlob.com!

Windsor Tri 2007 - Ranch Rules

KABOOM!!!

The Ranch exploded onto the scene Sunday for the Windsor Triathlon.

Riderwurzel, Riderturbo and Ridermama hit the 3.45am alarm button to make the 6am start. The strong currents of the Windsor swim have claimed victims in the past: 750 meters of ice cold intimidation with the first 500m swimming upcurrent to the yellow buoy before turning downstream for the last 250m.

The Ranch answered the challenge and would not be denied. Riderwurzel came out of wave 1 in a smooth 17.30 with Riderturbo putting in a personal event best of 15.30 (unofficial).

Snappy transitions led the Ranch to do what it does best: put the POWER down on the bike.

After two lightning 30km time trials encompassing one large loop through the rolling countryside, the Ranch high stepped it onto the 5km run.

Circling beautiful Windsor castle with the Union Jack flag flying high atop celebrating the Queens birthday, the Ranch declared turf-war with other riding and tri clubs, tag teaming with Ranch jerseys and establishing a forceful presence among would-be pretenders. Both riders took no guff, quick stepping with machine gun cadence and savouring the pain like the flavor of the month.

Ridermama, Riderbaby and Ranch team dog Jake formed a boisterous cheering section that was the envy of teams and spectators alike. Riderwurzel felt a bit rough after teaching a tough spinning class Saturday, but still established who was boss. Riderturbo got up in peoples faces and showed others that, regardless of time, place or rank, the RANCH IS NUMBER ONE.

The RIDERS extend a warm THANK YOU to all who donated to Leukaemia Research in support of their efforts for this charity ride. Your generosity DOES make a difference.

Newsflash! Unofficial timing indicates that both Riderwurzel and Riderturbo may have broken into top 10 rankings! Stay tuned for official confirmation...

Charity Event - Windsor Tri - Leukaemia Research

Dear RIDERS

Six a.m. sharp this Sunday morning Riderwurzel and Riderturbo will be jumping in the Thames for the Windsor Triathlon.

We're raising money for a valuable charity on this one -- Leukaemia Research (Blood Cancer).

If you have a moment, hop over to this website and donate a tenner (GBP 10) to a good cause:

http://www.justgiving.com/randolcurtis

Its cheaper than a London cab ride and you'll get that warm fuzzy feeling for giving something good to charity.

dare all of you

to attack this machine this upcoming holy day.

thursday nite ritual - holy night

riderpitts, ridercrespo, riderchichi, ridercali, and first timer this year - riderzinni - played in the chilterns thursday night. Pace was a little gray much like the weather with the only noteworthy parts being riderchichi's double flat, ridercrespo's brush with death, and riderpitts's new R3 ride. Even the steak and lamb at the bull and butcher felt a bit drab. Traffic was heavier than usual with the first cut of hay taking place and the resulting wide load farm vehicles clogging 2 meter wide lanes especially on our training turville heath climb. To inspire ourselves with an infusion of a different sort of mind set - i have included a sign in german (picture above) reminding us of jan ullrich's legendary line with his faithful teammate Udo bolts - "qual dich du sau" - translated - torture yourself you pig.

Blenheim Triathlon 3 Jun 07

Over the weekend, the Ranch came out in force for the Blenheim Triathlon. The event began with a carbo-load dinner in the back garden at Princes Square. Ridermama organized the event, which was attended by the Riders racing the event - and girlfriends - including RiderChiche & beautiful Sarah, Rider Eazy-E and RiderWurzel & splendid Anya. RiderTurbo tooled on deep dish Mavic carbon wheel rims to help Riderwurzel prepare for the race. Ridermama whipped up a delightful pasta, pesto and sundried tomato dish accompanied by a refreshing spinach, pear and toasted seed salad, finished off with fresh strawberries and ice cream for dessert. The next morning, the Riders made their way to the historic Blenheim Palace, birthplace of Winston Churchill, for the race. The Argentine Ranch contingent was out in full force and looked ready to race. The swim course followed yellow and orange buoys down a long, freshwater lake aside the palace. The difficult 19.8km bike and 5.4km run courses weaved through the lush green undulating landscape, with small, sharp lactic-burning climbs to keep the Riders honest. Legs and lungs ablaze, the Ranch powered through the course with flying colors. Riderwurzel won top blog honors with a total time of 1:18 followed by Riderturbo at 1:23, Ridercrespo at 1:28, Rider Eazy-E at 1:29 Rider Chiche at 1:33. Bike splits reflected cohesive team training with a tight spread of 33:26, 35:35, 37:56, 35:49 and 36:40 for the five riders, respectively. The race was followed by a luxurious picnic setup near the finish line hosted by Ridercrespos family. Much pain, sweat and glory was enjoyed by all and a consensus formed to order additional Ranch tri gear next year to wave unified colours and stake the Ranch's claim on the Tri circuit.

drilander

http://www.wassermann-radgiro.com/english/ - we have 6 riders going - 3 weeks prior to the etape - flying into munich friday the 22nd june - out sunday evening. all legs must be as smooth as rideremilians read - no hairpants allowed. Its interesting to note - that drilander - translates as - 3 countries. The race is in the guts of the tirol - starting in nauders in austria - with 3,300m of climbing in switzerland, germany and ending 165k later back in nauders.

Eton Triathlon 19 May 07

Riderturbo, Riderwurzel and Ridermama represented the Ranch at yesterday's triathlon at beautiful Dorney Lake in Eton. Riderwurzel clocked his first triathlon ever in amazing time, flying out of the 400m swim in less than seven minutes, powering his steel Ritchie to a 35 minute 20k bike split, and cruising through the run to put in a very respectable 1:05:27 ranking 20th out of 103 competitors in the men's 25-27 year old age group category. Riderturbo had a solid swim then sported a new aero Giro TT helmet and Reynolds deep dish carbon wheels to save as many minutes as possible on the non-drafting bike split before crusing through the 5km run. He finished in 1:06:54 ranked 12th out of 104 men in 37-39 age group. Having trained the week prior at the Gimondi, and having done some quality training both in Turville on the bike and Hyde Park Serpentine on the swim, both Riderturbo and Riderwurzel booked respectable results for the Ranch amid the lush country setting of the season opener tri. Ridermama took photos and cheered for Ranchriders being seven months pregnant with Riderbaby. Riderwurzel was also accompanied by his lovely girlfriend Rideranya who cheered for the competitors and snapped pics. All look forward to joining Rider Eazy-E and Rider Chiche for the Blenheim triathlon in two weeks!